So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, “Caution, I’m a maneater”. I walked up to the girl and timidly said, “Excuse me, Miss…about your shirt.” She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, “Oh let me guess, you’re here to make a comment…
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people. He’s wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering “Turkish got 3 problems.” Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say “Hey, yopu know what you’re wearing is insulting?” The russian responds: “This is your first problem: You’re so easily offended.” The Turkish respond: “Okay,…
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat.. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says “Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.” The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says “Ooooh, a pilsner, great…
A new law Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. “What brings you guys in today?” the bartender asks. “I guess you haven’t heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their…
A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar… The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, “Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!” The Chinese guy is like, “WTF?! That wasn’t us. That was the Japanese!” The Jewish guy: “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… you’re all the same.” After…
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender… “Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day,” the cowboy says. The bartender replies, “They’ve gone to the hanging.”…
Three men walk into a bar. One works for Budweiser, one works for Corona, and one works for Guinness. “What would you like?” the bartender asks the Budweiser worker. “I’ll have a Budweiser,” says the Budweiser worker. “And you?” the bartender asks the Corona worker. “I’ll have a Corona,” responds the Corona worker. “Let me…
A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar… A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel. “Sir, you look extremely young. I can’t serve you even a single beer.” “Oh c’mon. You can’t just slide me one?” “Can’t and will not serve…
An Irish man frees a genie and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes. The Irishman thinks about it, and says “I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty.” So *poof* a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks…
Female Scotties I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?” One of them angrily screeched, “It’s Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!” So I apologized and replied, “I am so sorry….