A Texan farmer went on a vacation to Australia! A Texas farmer went on vacation to Australia. He met up with an Australian farmer who prouldly showed off his wheat field. “That’s nothing” said the Texan. “Back home, we have wheat fields that are twice as large as this.” Next the Australian pointed out his…
A farmer has to go to town. Unfortunately, he’s expecting the artificial insemination guy a little later that day. So he takes his not-too-bright wife to the barn and says, “See this nail? That means this is the right stall. This is the cow that we need inseminated.” And the farmer goes off to town….
An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives. They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his…
God created the first Swiss and asked him: “What do you want?” “Mountains,” replied the Swiss. God created mountains for the Swiss and asked him, “What else do you want?” “Cows,” said the Swiss. God created cows for the Swiss. The Swiss milked the cows, tasted the milk and asked, “Will you taste, dear God?”…
Speak English, you moron! An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand. The farmer says, “Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm geschissen,” (‘Don’t drink the water, the cows and the pigs shit in it’)….
Husband walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife is in bed reading a book. He stands at the foot of the bed and says, “See honey, this is the cow I fuck when you have a headache.” The wife puts the book down and looks at her husband. “If you weren’t so stupid”…
Guy wakes up in a hospital room, badly beaten within inches of his life. The doctor is standing over him and asks him what happened. He thinks back. “I was golfing with my wife. She shanked her pink ball into a small cow pasture, just beyond the rough. I went to look for it and…
The only joke I know. How does a cow introduce his wife…? He says, “meat patty”. I am very sorry. Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I’ve never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane. Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow…
The whole family are having breakfast together when, the grandson looks over at his 22 year old sexy newlywed wife and asks her, “Will you pass the honey, honey?” She giggles and passes the honey. His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, “Will you pass the sugar, sugar?”…
A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a…