A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover The ad reads: “Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, “Hi, I’m Dave. I have no arms so…
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh,…
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, “how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?” “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh,…
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment… The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. ​ “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him. ​ “It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” ​ “How does it work?” ​ The guys picks…
A man and woman, both married separately, had to share a room one night on a business trip. They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds. After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, “Could you grab me another blanket from the…
Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king. edit: OK, so, apparently this joke was made 10 months ago by some other person. I never knew about that, I thought this was an original joke, so all you people busting a nut because you think I…
A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house’s private study Maid: “I’d like a raise.” Mrs. Smith:”Why do you think you deserve a raise? Maid:”Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you.” Mrs. Smith:”Who told you that?” Maid:”Your husband. Second, I clean…
A man runs home from work The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them. The wife was shocked, he hadn’t been this way since they were young! Then the man then turns to her…